Between Before and After by Amanda Dick
Read the first two chapters at:
Five friends. Three
days. One heart-stopping discovery.
Three years ago,
Danny Morris left behind a gun, a tonne of questions and a gaping hole in the
lives of those who loved him. What he didn’t leave was a suicide note.
On the anniversary
of his death, his closest friends gather at his parents’ beach house in New
Zealand's idyllic Marlborough Sounds. Danny’s girlfriend, Kate, holds fast to
his memory by continuing to live in the house they shared. Struggling to move
on with her life, her blossoming feelings for Danny’s best friend, Finn, only
complicate matters. Withdrawing from his high-flying lifestyle, Max has carved
out a much simpler life. Self-medicating with alcohol, fighting off nightmares
he refuses to talk about, the memory of finding Danny’s body has him sailing
dangerously close to the edge. While Finn is finally ready to address his
feelings for Kate, trying to save Max from himself dredges up long-buried anger
and frustration that threaten to overwhelm him. For Lacey and Gavin, a recent
bereavement gives them a heart-wrenching insight of a different kind.
Instead of time
easing the pain, the group find themselves stuck in limbo, awaiting the
understanding and peace that has so far eluded them.
Three years ago, a
single bullet ricocheted through all of them - and this year everything will
change again.
Teaser
“Kate?”
She heard the
uncertainty in his voice, plain as day. He needed answers. He deserved them.
Afraid to turn around lest he see the fear in her eyes, she remained with her
back to him. Her gaze fixed on the bay, she began to talk, mostly to organise
the thoughts in her head.
“They say you never
forget your first love,” she said. “Mine was Aaron Thompson. I was thirteen, it
was my first year at high school. I followed him around for half the year
before we even spoke to each other. Then one day, we passed in the hall between
classes, and he said hi. I nearly died from the excitement of it.” She shook
her head at the memory of her shy, thirteen-year-old self. “I remember it was a
Friday afternoon and I had a sleepover at my best friend’s place that weekend.
That was all we talked about. We dissected every single moment that led up to
it, and he only said one word to me. I was completely in love with him and we’d
never even so much as touched or held hands then – or ever. He probably has no
idea, even to this day, how I felt about him.” She dragged herself mentally
back to the present before continuing. “Then, a few boyfriends later, there was
Danny. I thought he was the one. I’m not saying it was all roses, all the time,
but I loved him and I thought he loved me. Turns out I may have over-estimated
that doesn’t it? I wasn’t enough. When he really needed me, I couldn’t help
him.”
She saw his
reflection running a tired hand down his face.
“Don’t do that to
yourself,” he said gently, his hand falling back into his lap as he stared at
her back. “It wasn’t your fault.”
She exhaled, long
and deep. She had been wanting to say that out loud for a very long time.
When he really
needed me, I couldn’t help him.
Somehow, it felt as
if saying it out loud would help her come to terms with it.
“Maybe not, but it
doesn’t change the facts.” Her heart felt like it was going to jump into her
throat. “I’ll never forget Aaron Thompson because he was the first boy I gave
my heart to, whether he knew it or not. And I’ll never be able to forget Danny,
because he was the last one to break it.”
This time the
silence was deafening. Eager to fill it, she pushed on.
“I feel like I
failed him,” she said, the words almost choking her as they came tumbling out.
“I feel like we were in the middle of something important and he just bailed on
me. I have all this stuff to say to him, to ask him, and he’s not here. I just
miss him so much.”
Shocking herself
into silence, she clammed up. She had no idea where that came from – it was a
like a direct route from her heart to her mouth. Thinking it was bad enough,
but hearing the words spoken aloud seemed to make it much worse.
“I miss him
too.”
Hearing Finn say it
didn’t help as much as she thought it would, either. They might be in the same
sea, but they were paddling two different boats.
“Maybe you don’t
have to stop missing him to move on,” he suggested gently. “Maybe there’s a way
you can miss him and still get on with your life.”
“Yeah?” She stared
at her reflection in the window, sniffing back tears. “Well, when you figure
out how to do that, let me know because that’s a nifty trick I’d like to
learn.”
“I know what you
mean.” He frowned, scratching his chin. “Let me get back to you on that one.”
Her chin quivered
and the tenuous control she had over her emotions began to unravel. She fought
the stinging tears with everything she had left, but still they came. She told
herself that she was done with crying and that it didn’t help, but still they came.
She told herself that the very last thing she wanted to do was cry in front of
Finn, but still they came.
Then he was turning
her around and pulling her into his arms and there was no turning back. She
craved it – the warmth, the tenderness, the contact. Too tired to fight it, she
let him draw her closer. Almost immediately, to her absolute horror, she heard
one heart-wrenching sob after another burst forth. Once she started, she
couldn’t stop. She buried her face in his shoulder and gave in to it, oblivious
to everything except the fact that he held her in his arms. She felt so safe
there, as if she belonged there. It had been such a long time since anyone had
held her like that. For once, she just wanted to let someone else take control
of her life. She wanted someone to save her.
About the Author
Amanda Dick is a
night-owl, coffee addict, movie buff and music lover. She also writes.
Born in Opotiki, New
Zealand, she is rather partial to dark chocolate and believes in the power of a
good vanilla latte. She has a passion
for the colour green (particularly in clothes and gemstones) and insists there
is nothing sexier than a man in a kilt.
She spent several
months traveling around Europe in her late 20’s (there’s a story there – she’ll
get around to writing it one day). After
ridding herself of her wanderlust, she met the love of her life (while working
to pay off said wanderlust) in Edinburgh, Scotland. They moved in together the week after their
first date – so yes, she believes in love at first sight. She also believes in Women's Intuition and
following your heart.
She writes on her
trusty laptop, predominantly late at night, when it's quiet and interruptions
are few. Most of all, she enjoys writing
about human behaviour - love, loss, joy, grief, friendship and relationships in
general. She loves to put normal,
everyday people into situations that will test their boundaries. She is passionately curious about how we, as
human beings, react when pushed to the edge.
After living in
Scotland for five years, she has now settled back home in New Zealand, where
she lives with her husband and two children.
Thanks so much for the promo post - I really appreciate it, and the support! :)
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